Table of Contents

Health - Me and My Prostate:

Me and My Prostate: Part One - 9/11/05

Thanks to all the guys who messaged me encouraging me to share this info with you. I hope it is not too much of a downer, but prostate cancer will happen to 1 in 7 of you. Maybe my experiences will save you from being the 1 in 4 of those who are diagnosed who will die from it.

In case you don't know what your prostate gland is, it is a walnut-sized, roughly donut-shaped organ at the base of your bladder. It is responsible for making the fluid part of your cum that the sperm swim in. Your urethra (piss tube) passes through the hole in this donut. The prostate lies close to your rectum. Some of the pleasure of anal sex is derived from the pressure your partner's dick exerts on the prostate. Your doctor can examine your prostate by sticking a well-lubed finger up your butt. It should feel soft, smooth, and even.

Guys have two main problems with their prostate gland.

The first of these is eventually almost universal and is commonly called an enlarged prostate. As we get older the prostate enlarges and begins to cause problems.

The second is prostate cancer, which I will get to in a couple of postings.

In my case the first symptoms of an enlarged prostate were with my pissing. I was having to go more and more often, and getting up several times during the night to piss. Sometimes I would want to piss so bad, but only a weak dribble would come out. Sometimes, when I thought I had finished pissing and tucked my dick back in my pants another little flow would occur. Hey! No way of "going commando" when that sort of thing is going on. Good, absorbent undies is the only way.

Of course, I put off seeing my doc about it, like most guys do. But it came to a head while Luc was visiting me about four years back, and we were visiting a friend in Vancouver before I put Luc back on the plane to Ontario. We had stopped at Pumpjack's Bar for a couple of drinks after shopping in the city, and took a bus back to our friend Bill's place. The bus had only gone a couple of blocks before I had to piss so bad I got off at the next stop, leaving Luc to continue his journey, while I found the cans in a government building right there.

I got back on the next bus, but only went a few more blocks before I had to get off again, and this time find the pisser in one of the seedier hotels in the seediest part of East Hastings. That was a particularly nasty experience! The can reeked of vomit, and there were used needles in the filthy sink.

I actually made it to Bill's apartment building on the next bus ride, but had to piss again behind a bush on the apartment grounds before I could risk taking the elevator up to Bill's condo.

The next day I put Luc on the plane to Ontario and started the long drive back to my country town home. Quite an ordeal, because I would have to pull over to piss at the side of the road about every half hour.

Over the next few days, the condition became worse. It began to hurt like hell to piss, and the fear that it was a some sort of sexually-transmitted disease motivated me me to see my doc. It was not my first digital rectal examination (DRE), so it didn't bother me a bit. For you guys who are not bottoms, and who have some anal phobias, the doc slips on a rubber glove, uses plenty of lube, and sticks his finger up your butt. He probes round and feels the prostate through the thin walls of your rectum.

In my case, the prostate was no longer the size of a walnut, but had grown to the size of a Japanese orange (Keep that image in mind next Christmas!), and was crushing my urethra, blocking off my piss. Because my piss was not draining completely from my bladder, I had a bladder infection. A short regimen of antibiotics cleared that up.

At that time there was no indication of cancer from either the digital exam, or from the first of my PSA tests which he sent me for at that time. A PSA test is a blood test for substances called Prostate Specific Antigens which often increase when cancerous cells are present.

In the doc's opinion at that time, I had little to worry about. He said that the enlarged prostate in itself was not a problem and that the extreme piss problems I was suffering were probably caused by the antihistamines I had been taking while I was at Bill's because I was suffering breathing problems from the city air pollution. Antihistamines can cause further restriction of the urethra.

But for the time being, things returned to a sort of normal.

(More soon)

Me and My Prostate: Part Two - 9/12/05

*** Do not be mislead by the idea that prostate problems occur only in old men. I know a 36 year old man who has just had surgery for prostate cancer.

After the symptoms of my first bout with bladder infection and the painful pissing passed away, things returned more-or-less to normal for a while, but over the next two years my nocturnal visits to the can increased. On a bad night I would get up 4 or 5 times to piss, but it took a second round of bladder infection two years later to drive me back to the doctor.

This led to another digital exam and another PSA test. Again, these showed no indications of cancer, but the doctor did suggest I try medications. By this time I had suffered an unrelated heart attack and was on several medications for that, so one or two more didn't faze me. He suggested two different types of medication.

The first of these was an alpha-blocker called terazosin. The effect of it is to relax the muscles in the prostate and bladder mouth to make pissing more easy. I agreed to try this, as the side effects were fairly minimal, except when mixed with alcohol. As I am an alcoholic in recovery, and have not had a drink in over 5 years, I felt fairly safe with that.

The second one he suggested was an enzyme inhibitor called finasteride. Some of you may know it as Proscar. It has the effect of actually shrink the prostate by up to 15%. He warned me, though, that this one has many more side effects, including decreased sex drive, decreased semen production, pain in the testicles, diarrhea, and possible impotence. As the heart and cholesterol meds were already taking a toll on my woody, I declined that one.

He also suggested a non-prescription herbal remedy called saw palmetto. It has no known side effects or reaction with other medications, so he saw no reason why I shouldn't take that as well, but to let the terazosin take effect first.

The terazosin worked its wonders. Within a couple of weeks I was producing a full, strong stream of piss instead of the weak little dribble, and only getting up once a night, if at all, to take a leak.

To that, I added the saw palmetto, and life was good!

However, even then the doc warned me that the effects might not be lasting, and my next recourse would be some form of surgery.

(More soon)

Me and My Prostate: Part Three - 9/13/05

Keep in mind that most prostate cancers are so slow-growing that you may have it for years before you feel any effects of it.

I suppose it was the best part of another year before my pee flow slowed to a dribble again, and my night visits to the can increased once more. I returned to my family doctor and told him I wanted to consider surgery for the condition. He referred me to a urologist in nearby Comox, just across the water on Vancouver Island.

Of course, the urologist wanted to do some examinations of his own, and the first of these was another digital rectal examination (DRE). He found something my family doctor had missed. There was a hard ridge on one area of my prostate. It was not normal, but even though he did not think it was a cancer, he referred me to the local hospital's imaging labs for an ultrasound examination and a biopsy.

The ultrasound examination is done with a metal probe inserted into your rectum. This is well-lubricated, and doesn't hurt a bit. In fact, his probing felt quite good. However, he uses the images it transmits to his television monitor to guide a needle which I imagine to be something on the lines of a pickle-finger to areas of your prostate. It grabs little chunks to be used in a biopsy out of the prostate through the walls of the rectum. This is decidedly unpleasant, but not particularly painful, as it also carries a local anaesthetic, and an antibiotic as infections from lesions in this area can easily occur.

The radiologist (or whatever his title was) warned me that there might be some blood in my stools, urine and semen for as much as a month. Just as well he did warn me, even if he did understate the case, because although there was only a little in my first shit, and a little in my first piss, the first time I jerked off, there was a flood of blood. This took nearly a month to disappear, and my cum changed from red, to brown, to yellow, and finally to white again.

The urologist also had me come back for another test while he waited for the results from the imaging labs and the biopsy. This was an examination of the inside of my bladder with a telescope device inserted up through my dick. This is called a cystoscopy. The inspection device is inserted (with plenty of lube and a local anaesthetic) up your dick and is forced through the sphincter at the base of your bladder. This is quite painful, even with the anaesthetic. He found nothing unusual in my bladder, but warned me that I would feel some pain urinating for a couple of days. More understatement. It hurt like hell pissing for about a week!

But, at the end of this examination, he broke the bad news to me. I have prostate cancer.

(More soon)

Me and My Prostate: Part Four - 9/15/05

The main reason so many men die from prostate cancer is that it is often not detected until it has spread into other organs. A yearly digital rectal exam and a PSA blood test can detect it early. Speak to your doctor.

When the urologist sent me for the biopsy, I had already begun to consider the possiblity of cancer, and begun reading up on it, but to have it confirmed was suddenly cold reality.

In previous times, this would have sent me scurrying for a bottle, but the 12 step program of AA has given me some of the living skills to face situations like this one. I must say now that I am scared, but I am not in the irrational panic that I might have been.

The urologist asked me to bring a partner or friend with me when we discussed the possibilities for treatment. I am single, but did choose to bring with me my straight best buddy.

The first thing the urologist told us was that he did not expect the biopsy to confirm cancer. My recent PSA test was only 1.3, an extremely low reading. It is about the amount to be found in someone without cancer. He thought the ridge he detected was just some abnormality. (I had even surmised that it might be a callus from lots of recent butt-fucking by a fairly large-dicked guy.)

The next thing he told me was that the pathologists report on the tumor was that it had a Gleason score of 6. The pathologist examines two clearly cancerous samples and assigns them grades 1-5 according to how different they are from normal cells. The two grades are added to give a Gleason Score out of 10. Scores of 7 through 10 are considered to be more serious. Scores of 2 through 6 are considered to be slow moving cancers, although they can become more aggressive without warning.

My cancer was also confined within the prostate itself, and was confined to less than half of one lobe of the gland. It did not appear to be attached to the wall of the prostate, nor to have breached it.

His immediate recommendation was for a radical retropubic prostatectomy (RRP) to remove the prostate, and the cancer along with it.

I will explain this and other possible treatments next time.

(More soon)

Me and My Prostate: Part Five - 9/16/05

Is your piss flow not as strong as it used to be? Do you have to regularly get up during the night to piss? It may be an enlarged prostate. Don't panic! An enlarged prostate does not mean prostate cancer, nor does it lead to prostate cancer, BUT prostate cancer will eventually cause an enlarged prostate!

I had been reading up all I could find from the time the urologist sent me for a biopsy, but the announcement of cancer, and his recommendation of radical retropubic prostatectomy before mentioning any of the alternatives was a bit daunting. He was giving me no options.

Here are the most common treatments for prostate cancer:

Radical Prostatectomy:

This involves removing the whole prostate along with the seminal vesicles and a part of the bladder. Hopefully, this also removes all the cancerous material. The operation can either be done from the lower abdomen (retropubic - RRP) or up through the ridge between your balls and your asshole (perineal - RPP).

The unfortunate side effects are impotence (about a 10% chance), incontinence (about a 3% chance), and because the prostate and seminal vesicles , which produce the cum fluids, are gone, and the valve which directs sperm to the outside is gone, you will never cum again. With an RPP there is also a chance of some loss of bowel control. The penis is also shortened by as much as 15% because of its dropping back into the cavity where the prostate was.

On the bright side, newer nerve sparing operating techniques are lowering the risk of impotence drastically, and doctors are becoming increasingly aware of the damage done to a man's ego by impotence, and are prescribing therapies to restore the a man's woodies.

Radiation Therapy:

This can be in the form of beam therapy, where high density beams of radiation or focused from the outside of the body into the cancerous area. These beams will hopefully destroy the cancerous tissue. Two other methods are quite similar to each other. These are applying the radiation with radioactive "seeds" which are implanted into the prostate, or with radioactive needles which are inserted temporarily alongside the tumor.

Among the side effects of radiation therapies are tiredness, incontinence, impotence, rectal pain, bleeding, and bowel problems. Tissue scarring of the the rectum by placement of the seeds and needles, and burns from the radiation may also rule out anal sex for many men. However, the patient should still be able to cum.

The above treatments can actually cure the cancer. Other treatments are used to slow the spread of the cancer once it has gone beyond the prostate walls and spread to other organs. One way is to stop or limit the production of testosterone, which the tumor thrives on. The methods for achieving this are hormone therapy, and both chemical and physical castration. (Ouch!)

Each of these may cause the following side effects: hot flashes, decreased bone density, bone and general body pains, decrease in sexual desire, enlaged breasts, impotence, and fatigue. These treatments are not cures; they only slow the spread of the cancer.

Watchful Waiting (Expectant Therapy):

This is basically non-treatment of the cancer. Because of the slow-moving nature of most prostate cancers, it is quite likely that many men will die of other causes than the cancer, so many men opt to do nothing about the cancer, other than to have their oncologist or urologist check it regularly to watch its spread, and to treat it only when the symptoms become unbearable. Then they will use hormone therapy or chemotherapy to slow the disease or relieve the symptoms.

In a recently published study from Europe, covering a 15 year period, of over 750 men who chose watchful waiting, and had no treatment for the disease, less than a third died from the cancer. The rest were either still alive, or had died from non-related causes.

The original urologist did not volunteer any of this information except the information about and RRP, and even then did not stress the negative effects. I had to ask him about all of the other alternatives, which I would not have known about if I had not done some homework.

I stewed about this fact for some weeks before I returned to my family doctor and told him my concerns. He immediately referred me to the Prostate Center at Vancouver General Hospital where I was luckily assigned to one of the leading prostate cancer specialists in Canada.

(More soon)

Me and My Prostate: Part Six - 9/17/05

If it turns out that your piss problems are not from a cancer, but from an enlarged prostate (a condition that almost all of you will suffer eventually), there are several methods of treatment, including medication to shrink the prostate, and widening of the urethra (piss tube) by surgery, laser, and microwave.

Not only is my new doctor one of the leading men in the field in Canada: he is also one fantastic-looking guy! He can do a digital rectal exam on me anytime, and often, and can use his OTHER digit! In fact, when he did the DRE, I dribbled a little cum. He laughed it off, saying it was quite common, if the right spot was touched.

But back to medical affairs. This doctor took the time to explain to me all my options without my prompting. He also explained why they would be be good for me, or not so good for me. He ruled out radiation therapy for me, pointing out that it may kill the cancer, but I would still have the urinary problems, and would have to undergo surgery for that. If I wanted any sort of a sex life, hormone treatment would also not be for me.

He basically left me with two options: radical retropubic prostatectomy or watchful waiting.

Concerning the RRP, he told me of the newer techniques and procedures which spare as much of the nerves needed for erection as possible, and of the therapies to restore erectile function, including masturbation, penis pumps, medications, and injections. Basically, it is a case of "use it, or lose it." He also told me that I would almost certainly never cum again. The semen producing mechanisms will have been removed, and although my nuts will still produce sperm, the valve which directs this toward the outside world will be gone, so it will end up in my bladder and be pissed out later. He pointed out also, that an RRP would kill two birds with one stone: it would remove the cancer, and remove my urinary problems. (Unfortunately, however, it may cause new ones. About 3% of guys are left incontinent. I really don't want to go through life pissing myself!).

If I chose RRP, he would put me on the waiting list, about 2 months long.

If I opted for watchful waiting, he would put me on his schedule for a visit every 6 months to check on the progress, if any, of the tumor. The prospect of a regular DRE from him is SO tempting!

He also pointed out that the cancer is very slow moving. There was no rush for me to make a decision. I was to come home and read and consider my options.

(More soon)

Me and My Prostate: Part Seven - 9/18/05

The months have ticked by and I have done scads of reading and lots of considering. After a long period of opting for watchful waiting, I talked with a friend of mine who has lived with cancer for 30 years. It is not prostate cancer. She is a woman. But she does know all about radiation therapy and chemotherapy. She has gone through several bouts of remission, followed by flare-ups, and long periods of treatment. She knows where my cancer will lead once it spreads into other areas. She told me if she could have had one operation to spare her years of misery, she would have jumped at it.

That led me to decide to go for the RRP. It is scheduled for October 5th. This coming Tuesday I go to Vancouver for a pre-admission clinic to find out what I will be facing two weeks from now and in the weeks and months to follow. I will also get to ask the remaining questions which are bothering me. Who knows? The clinic may even convince me not to go through with the surgery after all.

On the bright side, the night before the clinic I am meeting with a guy I have been with several times before. Sex with him is the best I have EVER had. I am getting hard right now, just thinking of him fucking my ass for ages. I had better make the most of it. After the surgery, anal sex is out for at least two months!

More in a few days, after the clinic.

Me and My Prostate: Part Eight - 9/24/05

Well, it's getting down to the wire now. I travelled to Vancouver last week for a pre-admission clinic at Vancouver General. The nurses and anesthesiologist I had to deal with were most reassuring. One nurse assured me that the incontinence problem is minimal, maybe just a little leakage … but minutes later directed me to a medical supply Warehouse, where I can buy absorbent pads for my undies. A warehouse, yet? Isn't that where you buy things in bulk? That sounds like on hell of a big leak to me.

I was disappointed that the surgeon himself wasn't there. I had a few more questions to ask him, especially about sexual activities after surgery, but the nurse told me he will answer those things while I am in recovery. Won't that be a bit late? I hope I will get to ask him the few last minute things BEFORE they tell me to start counting backwards from 100.

I am not looking forward to the trip home from Vancouver after surgery. I will have a catheter stuck up my dick, and a collection bag strapped to me leg, and stitches or staples from my belly button down (An inny, by the way. Hope it is not much bigger when I am coming home). I have to get to the airport like that, unable to carry my bag, so I will be reliant on taxi drivers and airport personnel. I could ask a friend to come down and pick me up at UBC hospital, but the friend would probably have to take two days off work. It is only 80 miles, but there are two hour-long ferry rides included, making it a 5-6 hour trip, which I wouldn't want to face like that, anyway. Oh, well, I will manage.

I will probably stop posting to group on the 3rd October. The surgery is on the 5th, but I will have to travel down to Vancouver the day before. Luc, Scott, and Markus will be moderating the group in my absence, so keep posting.. .and invite your friends to join.

I hope to be messaging you again by the 8th or 9th, hopefully telling you that I am already horny and can feel the stirrings of a woody! But however much pain I will be in, I will no longer have the cancer. It was found early enough because of the DRE, so I won't be one of the 5 men diagnosed who end up dying of it. Almost all of those 5 die because they were diagnosed far too late! (You know, I'll bet that the majority of those fatalities were straight men, who had a fear of getting even a finger stuck up their butts!)

Get a digital rectal exam and a PSA test once a year! Don't rely on just the PSA. It is not a very accurate test!

(More to come)

Me and My Prostate: In a Lighter Vein - 9/28/05

One week today is my surgery at UBC Hospital. Of course, I am nervous, and doing lots of reading about the after-effects and therapies. One of those after-effects will be trying to get my woodies working again, and one of the therapies is the penis pump. I thought you might get a laugh out of this anecdote by another RRP patient on a Yahoo Group for gay men with prostate cancer. The ongoing discussion was about expensive medical store pumps vs relatively cheap sex store pumps:

Jay…I've got to respectfully disagree with you on cheap vs. expensive pumps.

What I didn't say from my own experience is now that I've had both of mine for over a year, I have actually forgotten which is which! I think I know which is which because one carrying case is a little nicer than the other. But they are so the same and perform identical, that it doesn't matter, does it?

Further, I've shared mine with a couple of buddies, and we've laughed that I can't remember which was $39 and which was $621. They can't tell the difference either.

And now to "bring up" a story to "inject" a moment of fun into this otherwise serious discussion. There was actually still another pump in my life. Years before I needed one, I saw an ad in the local daily newspaper about pumps. You had to call to get an appointment to see a sales demonstration…

At the time I had no need for a pump to get a hard on, but I thought it might be a fun toy, and more than that, I thought  the sales demonstration might be fun, might even be some kind of erotic session with a bunch of other guys…so I phoned and made an appointment.

The appointment was at a residency hotel. I was the only one there. The salesman went through a very professional and sterile presentation, using all the correct words like erection instead of hard on and penis instead of dick…but he was a pleasant enough fellow so I kept asking him questions and using all the common words, but he continued to respond in total  professionalism…

Finally it came the point where he let me try one. I was quick to pull down my pants and expose my already-hard on to him. He never touched me, just instructed me orally, and I decided to buy it and gave him a credit card. He had to phone some hotline number to get the card approved, and he couldn't get through to the card approval line, so he kept trying.

Finally it came time for his next appointment. The next guy knocked on the door. The sales guy told him he'd have to wait a minute and closed the door; meanwhile he kept trying the card phone with no luck. Of course I was already dressed and ready to go, so finally I suggested he go ahead and let the next guy in so he wouldn't get further behind on his appointments. He said ok if it was ok with the other fellow…and it was.

So the other guy came in. He was an okay guy and a little younger than me. The sales guy went through the pitch with the other guy, interrupting a couple of times to still have no luck on the card phone for me. Then it came time for the other guy's "demonstration" He didn't seem to mind at all lowering his pants in front of me.

So I jumped up and said, hey, this is a good chance for me to "practice" Again, the sales guy didn't say a thing, so I grabbed my pump and lowered my pants. The other guy had one great dick – a real trophy –but he was having trouble getting his pump on right so while the sales guy was giving his oral instructions I just jumped in and offered to show the other guy. He readily accepted my help – and I got to touch his big dick –and I said something about how big it was. He seemed real easy with me touching him and being so personal. We got it on and of course the pump made him even bigger.

We took off the pump and his hard on was awesome. I asked if I could touch it and he said yes, and I took hold and stroked back and forth. I had my pump off too and he reached and took hold of me, so we stood there right in front of the sales guy's desk, not three feet away from him, jacking off each other, and the sales guy never said a word, just kept dialing the phone for the credit card company.

It didn't take long before it was apparent me and the other guy were both going to shoot our loads. We were both moaning and rocking, and the sales guy just shoved a box of Kleenex over to the edge of the desk by us! We both shot our loads, and the sales guy never changed his expression. We were mopping up our cum and taking off our rubber rings just as the sales guy got through on the card phone line and got me approved.

Me and the other guy pulled up our pants. The other guy shelled out cash money for his pump, and we were leaving at the same time just as the next appointment was arriving.

Once out in the parking lot me and the other guy introduced ourselves to each other, and agreed that had been fun and exchanged phone numbers. I'm married and bi and in the closet and I was to find out he was gay and had a LTR, but I went to his house many times after that and enjoyed great times, some with him, some with his partner and some outstanding 3-ways!

Incidentally, as I remember, we paid like $200 for those pumps. Since I really didn't need one in those days I didn't use it often, and I hid it in the garage between uses, and the mechanisms inside the damn thing finally rusted out thanks to the damp climate in the garage.

Me and My Prostate: Part Nine - 10/10/05

My prostate and I have parted company! Here are some of the messy details:

Last Tuesday was a bleak and lonely day. I got up in the dark at 6:00 am to catch the 6:45 morning bus to Vancouver, 80 miles south. I knew that breakfast would be my last meal for a while, and I hoped to get something decent to eat on the BC ferries.

The first ferry is only a small one and only serves tea and coffee, and sandwiches and croissants and waffles, so I skipped that one, hoping to get a better meal of at least scrambled eggs on the second, larger ferry another 50 miles down the road. Hah! I should have known my luck and BC Ferries. The large ferry had had mechanical troubles and had been replaced by a smaller one which was only stocked with pre-cooked hamburgers or chicken strips and fries. They should have been called chicken feet, because they were about as leathery and as inedible.

I had been told not to eat anything after noon. I could only drink clear liquids, such as apple juice or water. No citrus juices, and definitely no alcohol. That was no hardship, as I am an alcoholic and haven't had a drink in five years. I was not supposed to have anything at all in my stomach when I went under the anaesthetic the next day.

I arrived about midday to the Motel in downtown Vancouver and did a little last-minute shopping for essentials – a novel to read and a book of New York Times crosswords.

A couple of different friends phoned to ask if I wanted them to come over and keep me company for a while in the evening. Just as well I turned them down, and at the last minute decided not to go to the movie I had considered taking in. I had instructions that at 4 p.m. I was to drink a bottle of laxative called citro-mag. That kicked in about an hour later, and boy, did it work! By 11 that night when the effects slowed down, there was absolutely nothing in my stomach.

So that was my prostate's and my last night together, alone in a motel room watching TV between mad dashes to the toilet, and worrying about what the 6 am check-in at UBC hospital the next morning would bring.

(More to come)

Me and My Prostate: Part Ten - 10/12/05

Thanks to the many well-wishers who sent me notes before and since my operation.

It was a miserable cab ride to UBC Hospital from downtown Vancouver on the morning of October 5th - dark, wet, and blowing, the streets empty at 5:30 in the morning.

The lobby of Admitting was almost deserted, with just me, a receptionist, and another man slated for surgery, and his wife. Little did I know at that point how much I would come to hate him by the next morning!

I was first taken to a "dressing" room - to get undressed, and into one of those one-size-fits-all hospital gowns, and loaded onto a gurney, and wheeled to a prep area for the anesthesiologist to ready me. While the anesthesiologist poked me full of holes and tubes, I was welcomed by another doctor. I had expected to find the world-famous surgeon there, but instead was greeted by one of his interns, a hot young surfer type from New Zealand, studying under the famous urologist/oncologist. He had the rather fitting name of Rod Stud, very suitable for a guy who will spend the rest of his life playing with men's dicks for a living, but maybe better on a porn-star - which he looked like he would be well-suited for also.

He answered a couple of last minute questions for me, such as how good are the nerve-sparing techniques which would allow me to get a woody again (That, he told me, would depend on what they found when they opened me), and how long would I have to be on the dreaded catheter bag (Maybe 10 days, depending on myself and my plumbing). Then it was announced that the surgeon was waiting in the operating room, the an esthesiologist told me to think pleasant thoughts, and I was gone.

Seconds later, it seemed to me, I awoke in the same prep area, but now with a mild, nagging pain in my lower abdomen and a tube coming out of me from somewhere down there!

My prostate was gone!!!!

Sob, sob!

(Still more to come)

Me and My Prostate: Part Eleven - 10/13/05

I shared the hospital room with another guy my age who had had the same surgery right after me. From around midday till late afternoon, I dosed fitfully, but was in more discomfort than pain, with oxygen tubes in my nose and I.V.'s in my left arm, a drain tube and its collector bulb hanging out of my stomach incision, and a HUGE tube coming out of my dick and running to a large clear bag hanging from a bed rung. The dreaded catheter.

Strangely enough, it didn't really hurt at all.

The pain was seeming to have a major effect on my roomie, and the guy across the hall, the man I had seen in admitting, early that morning. He has been in for shoulder muscle surgery. Both of them spent most of the afternoon loudly proclaiming how much pain they were in. Shit, mine bid hurt a bit, but only if I moved too fast or too drastically. When the medical staff asked what numbers on a one to ten pain scale I would tell them zero or one at rest and four or five when I moved too suddenly. Both the other guys were talking in terms of double my pain. But I guess different people feel pain differently.

I was hungry, but informed that I was not going to get any food that day, and when I did get food it would be a liquid diet.

I tried to sleep, but the two pain complainers were loud enough to wake me at intervals with their groans and proclamations. And if it wasn't them waking me, it was medical staff wanting to feed me pills or take my vital signs. They even woke me close to midnight that night to give me a sleeping pill!

I tried phoning a couple of Vancouver friends to tell them I was through the operation. But it was a difficult and painful activity because the phone cord was about 3 feet too short to reach the bed comfortably. Not only that, the roomie started complaining in loud terms how my interminable phone calls were keeping him awake when he was in so much pain. (That was about 2 minutes into my first phone call, which probably lasted 3 minutes. The second was even shorter, because I got an answering machine!)

Ironically, the whining asshole spent the next three days placing phone card calls to his ex-wife, his daugher, his son-in-law, his business partner, all in BC, and his girlfriend in Nevada, who he had met online, to give them, after every blood pressure check, meal, change of pills, emptying of his catheter bag, or fart, all the details.

Fuck! What a jerk! May his dick be three inches shorter than before the operation, and may he never get another woody!

And there wasn't much sleep that night, even with the sleeping pill, because the roomie groaned and moaned all night and the guy with the shoulder operation yelled aloud all night. He kept wailing for someone to take away his pain. If I were mobile and had a weapon, I would have gladly helped him out.

But the first day was done, and my prostate was gone. Four of my biggest fears had been faced and passed: I had survived the operation, and more importantly, the anaesthetic; the pain was acceptable; and the catheter was more of an inconvenience than the horror and pain that I had imagined.

(Even more yet)

Me and My Prostate: Part Twelve - 10/14/05

Day Two dawned bright and increasingly painful. I guess as the healing process began, the pain set in. but it still was not unbearable.

I had an early morning visit from another of the great surgeon's interns, who had also been at the removal. He told me that the prostate had come out easliy and cleanly, that there had been no signs of spreading of the cancer, that they had taken great pains to save my "woody" nerves, and that the bits had been sent to the labs for biopsy, which would tell if there had been any spread, but that it was most unlikely.

They even fed me my first meals that day. Just as well, because it had been nearly 48 hours since I had had those chicken whatevers on BC Ferries. I was on a liquid diet at first, so it consisted of a cube of jello, apple juice, and coffee. Lunch was somewhat the same: cream of pea soup, apple juice, fruit cocktail, and tea. My stomach was crying out for solids. I finally got them at supper time. Considering the catering staff are on strike at many hospitals here in BC, it wasn't bad at all: a small ham steak, fresh string beans, scalloped potatoes, bread and butter, jello pudding, more juice, and coffee.

They kept pouring liquids into me as well as all that juice. They kept encouraging me to drink more water. Maybe they enjoyed emptying that fast-filling bag hanging from the side of the bed, a mixture of blood and urine which looked more like a rosé wine than piss.

Apart from the roomie's never-ending phone calls to his followers, it was not a bad day at all.

Day Three was even better, apart from the increasing pain, because it started with them taking me off oxygen and intravenous ( which had been pouring more liquids into me, as well as some painkillers and antibiotics).

The young intern even told me I could go home on the morrow, so I could reserve a flight today and make arrangements for rides to and from the airports. He even helped me out of bed, attached my pee bag to one of those intravenous poles-on-wheels, and helped me shuffle down the corridor for my first free-flight. It was so good to be mobile, I didn't give a damn that all the world could see that i was steering a bag full of piss and that my ass was bare naked to the world!

Day Four was freedom! Mid-morning the nurse replaced my pee-bag with a more portable version, one which would hold less, but was easily tied to my lower leg. No more pushing piss on a pole! By mid-afternoon I was dressed in lounging pajama bottoms, T-shirt and windbreaker, and being wheelchaired out the tarmac to the small, regularly-scheduled 50 mile flight back to Powell River and home – but without my old friend, my prostate, but also without my old enemy, the cancer!

Me and My Prostate: Part Thirteen - 10/15/05

Thanks to all the guys who messaged me encouraging me to share this info with you, and to all the guys who sent me encouraging messages during my hospital stay, and to those who have written thanking me for these letters. If anyone has any questions, just write me.
Remember, prostate cancer will happen to 1 in 7 of you. Maybe my experiences will save you from being the 1 in 4 of those diagnosed who die from it.

I arrived home with some ominous luggage. Apart from the bag strapped to my leg, I had a second, larger one, to be attached at night. I also carried a surgical staple remover, given to my by the surgeon's intern. He said family doctors rarely have one in their offices and mine would need one to remove the staples in my incision any time after the following Wednesday, at which time the catheter could also be removed. Last, I carried enough surgical dressings to keep the wound covered for a day or so.

I was very weak, and in much pain for the first couple of days. Thank goodness I had my 20 year old grandson their to help me. He had to help me in and out of armchairs, or bed; empty and change my urine bags regularly, dry my lower legs for me after a shower; and other no so pleasant chores for a 20 year old straight guy.

That evening at home, I took my first shower, and was able to get a good look at myself naked for the first time. I had a 5 inch gash running north from my dick, held closed by about ten staples, which looked just like the ones used to hold magazines together. My dick itself was shrunken, but the skin around it and my foreskin was puffed and inflamed. The rubber tube of the catheter, more than a quarter inch in diameter, protruded from it, covered in caked blood round the piss-hole (quite a normal occurrence, they told me.) I had also developed a yeast infection in the hospital and a nasty red rash covered both buttocks and was heading down into my groin area. In all, not a pretty sight.

How things have progressed a week later:

I am still in pain, but nothing like the severe pain I experienced the first time I tried to get out of bed. Some of the pain is the surface pain of the incision itself, but some is the pain from inside, especially my lower stomach muscles which they had to cut into to access the prostate. I can control it with Advil, and the occasional Tylenol 3 for the really bad times.

The incision itself is still bleeding a little and suppurating, but my doc says it is just cleansing itself. There is nothing to worry about. He removed the staples last Wednesday, a process I had dreaded, but which turned out to be a minor matter.

The catheter is gone. Its removal, too, was painless. I was laying on my back on the doc's examining table waiting for him to pull it out and all the pain I was sure would go with it, when I realized he was at his sink with the whole apparatus in his hands. I had felt nothing at all. The bleeding from my dick and in my urine has ceased also.

I am gradually learning to piss again. After a week with a big hose stuck up it, my dick needs to be retrained. It does not know just when to turn on or turn off, so I have to wear a panty-liner for now, mostly "just in case," although I have had very little problem that way. There is the occasional two or three drips leakage when I move too suddenly, or cough, or sneeze, but nothing major. Although I put an absorbent sheet in my bed, I have had no night problems at all. I am doing Kegel exercises to restore bladder control completely (Kegels are a matter of regularly squeezing the muscles that we all use to shut off the water-works.)

My bowel control is fine now. I did not have a bowel movement for a full week after the operation, and was getting worried. But rectal damage is very rare in this type of treatment. It is more common when the prostate removal is done from between the balls and the asshole, or when the cancer is treated with radiation.

My dick is returning to normal – in size, anyway. I know it will end up being a bit smaller than it was, but since the operation it has been to extremes. It did swell up and go a dark blue color at first, then lost its swelling, and practically disappeared back into me. All that was protruding from my abdomen was the head, with a flabbier than usual foreskin, but now the shaft has re-emerged.

I know I will never cum again, but that I can get used to. I don't know if I will ever get a natural hard-on again, but there are other methods. I do know that rubbing my knob still produces a very pleasant sensation, and I am sure that will eventually lead to bigger things!!!

But best of all: my surgeon phone yesterday. He has had the lab results from the tissue and glands they took from me at the time of the operation. The cancer was restricted to about 15% of my prostate. It was not an aggressive form, and there is no indication that it has spread to anywhere else in my body. They are 99.9% sure that I am free of prostate cancer. He doesn't even want to see me for 6 months!

So, that's my story to now. Prostate cancer is a killer, but I have survived. You can, also, as long as remind yourself to get checked every year. Don't tell yourself it is an old man's disease. It starts quite early in most men. They are just not diagnosed with it until it has spread beyond the prostate - because they didn't get checked!

Me and My Prostate: Progress Report - 10/30/05

The up side:

  • The pain is almost completely gone. Much of the incision is itching like mad, which shows it is healing.
  • I am out walking and shopping by myself, and am driving again, and doing light housework.
  • Best of all, I am waking up with piss-hards, which bodes well for the future.

The down side:

  • One area of the incision got infected and is not healing very fast.
  • I still don't have complete control of my bladder muscles yet, and leak a few drops of piss when I move suddenly, sneeze, or cough, so I have to wear panty liners.
  • I haven't yet had a horny hard-on, but will get to work on that as soon at my incision (which is just above my dick) heals fully.

    But, all in all, I am content that I did the right thing. I am looking forward to receiving a good fucking, to see if I still enjoy it as much!

  • (More later)

    Me WITHOUT My Prostate: Update #1 - 10/31/05

    Hi. Notice the new heading? This is in response to Hinley's message of last evening. He is right, of course, but I will take the time to add a little: I am still as horny as ever. Surgery does not reduce the sex-drive like hormone treatment does. I have also had a mini-orgasm while playing with it while watching one of Luc's movies, but there was no cum, of course, just a little spurt of pee, instead of a big squirt of cum.

    But, (wah!), no hard-on as of yet.

    I guess I have to look for a man with slightly different tastes. Any of you guys out there like to suck and play with a limp dick? And fuck a tight ass?


    Me WITHOUT My Prostate: Update #2 - 11/13/05

    It's over a month now since my prostatectomy. Things progress slowly.

    The incision still has not fully healed, but my doc says it's doing fine.

    I still dribble piss at odd times, but I am doing my Kegel exercises (clenching and unclenching the muscles at the bottom of my bladder – the ones we use to start and stop pissing) and things are improving. I am now down to two absorbent panty liners a day, where it was three or four. I really don't think I need to wear one to bed, as I never seem to leak in my sleep.

    I still haven't had a bonafide woody, although I am still getting piss-hards in the morning. I also get a semi when I play with myself in the shower, and the docs say that is a starter. It shows that the nerves are repairing themselves.

    I have tried a couple of small dildoes on for size, and I am happy to say, they still feel good! I can't wait to get a full-sized, real-life dick in me.

    I was a talking to an ex-student of mine in the mall this morning. He has his prostate removed 6 years ago when he was only 42. Remember, I told you it is not just an old man's disease. He was actually diagnosed 4 years before that. It took him that long to make up his mind what to do about it. Anyway, he tells me it took him a year to get control of his pissing, and still has minor leaks, and it took him nearly two years to get a respectable woody, although he was getting hard enough to penetrate his wife, with the help of Viagra, after about 10 months.

    I just hope it doesn't take me that long. I will keep working at it.

    Get checked next time you see your doc!


    Me WITHOUT My Prostate: Progress Report #3 - 12/18/05

    Things are really looking up! I am gradually getting control of my bladder back. For two days in a row I have only needed one absorbent pad in my undies. Now I look forward to the day when I don't need one at all. It is a real pain to have to drop my pants to piss because the panty-liner is in the way of my fly!

    Even better news: I told you my doc had recommended getting a penis pump. I got a "Doctor's Choice Erection Stabilizer Pump" from Little Sister's in Vancouver. Using it last night, I got my first reasonable woody since the prostate operation October 5th. It was nothing to brag about as woodies go, and it didn't last long after I removed the suction (I was not using the restriction rings), but long enough to get a good grip and bring myself to a cumless climax. The point is, it worked, and it felt GOOD!

    But I will always miss my cum! (Wah!)

    (More yet)

    Me WITHOUT My Prostate: Update #4 - 1/5/06

    Things were coming along nicely until I came down with a doozie of a cough and cold. It subjected me to what some of the literature calls "spasmodic urination"; that is, when I cough or sneeze, my bladder contracts and forces out a little piss. And I have been coughing and sneezing a lot. Thank god for panty liners! On the bright side there, my cold is almost gone, and the number of liners a day is back to one. I can live with that, but I look forward to the time when it is none!

    On the erection front, my doctor-prescribed penis pump is working wonders. Although I slacked off when when my cold was at its worst, I am using it regularly, usually while I am in the shower, and achieve an acceptable level of hard. It is not rock hard. I'd say it is about 60 -70% of a full hard, but enough to get a good grip on. I doubt that I will ever fuck again, but I am a bottom, anyway.

    Bearpaw, you could always come up here to Powell River for a visit and exercise it for me!

    I still haven't tried anal sex, but dildoes feel good. Any volunteeers to try me with the real thing?

    Me WITHOUT My Prostate: Update #5 - 1/11/06

    The Penis Pump:

    At my doc's recommendation, I bought a "Doctor's Choice Erection Stabilizer Pump," but was a little disappointed with the results, because the hards didn't last…until last night! I tried it again and used a one-size-smaller constriction ring (the second smallest, actually. Blush!).

    Wow! When I slipped that ring off the pump and onto my dick I had a rock-like hard-on that just didn't go away.

    But I have a question, and I don't see my doc for 2 months: How long can I safely leave that constriction ring on without my dick falling off?


    (The answer I got – from various sources – was 20 minutes)

    (Not finished yet)


    Me WITHOUT My Prostate: Update #6 - 2/6/06

    After watching the 20 short vid clips Luc posted this morning, I sure miss being able to cum. Unfortunately, as I have told you before, the prostate and seminal vesicles produce the fluid. I miss the generous amounts of pre-cum I used to produce and I miss the spurts during orgasm, and the lovely gooey feeling on my hands and belly. But on the positive side: I am not spent when I orgasm any more but ready to go once more straight away, and I do not have cancer any more!

    Me WITHOUT My Prostate: Update #7 - 4/7/06

    For those of you new to this group, last year I was diagnosed with prostate cancer, and last October I underwent surgery to remove the prostate gland…and hopefully, the cancer. I posted a series of letters to the group outlining the history of it all and what I went through. If you are interested you can do a search back through the messages to about last September.

    For those of you who have been here all along, last Wednesday was the 6 month anniversary of the surgery. I got the preliminary results of the series of tests they ran earlier this week. The most important one was the psa test, a blood test, which indicates prostate cancer activity in the body (even though the cancer may have spread to other parts of the body, it still shows up in a psa test). My psa reading was zero.

    It is not definitive, of course, but all indications are that the cancer had not spread and is completely gone from my body.

    As for the side effects:

    Well, as you know, I will never cum again. The cum-making apparatus was removed. I sure miss that lovely slimy, slippery stuff, especially the gallons of pre-cum I produced.

    Then there are the hards, or semi-hards, which is about all I can achieve. Some guys are lucky. They can get the prostate removed and within a couple of months are getting rock hard again. I am not so lucky, but it is slowly getting better. With the help of my trusty, doctor-recommended penis pump, and a really tight cock-ring, I can manage a hard stiff enough to fuck a well-greased and prepped ass with.

    As for the other end, I have not been fucked with a live dick yet, but my favorite dildo feels just as good as ever. Any volunteeers to take my six-month virginity?

    In a couple of weeks, I see my urologist/surgeon. I am going to ask him to prescribe the needle for my hards. I have tried just about everything else. As I said, the pump works, but it is so mechanical, and I can only keep that ring on for about 15-20 minutes. The needle shot of Caverject or Tri-mix should make me rigid for an hour.

    Oh yeah, the "little prick in my hand" i mentioned the other day had nothing to do with the cancer. Unfortunately, the blood tests showed too high a blood sugar count, so the "little prick" is to do a check on that.

    It sucks getting older!

    (But so do I!)

    Me WITHOUT My Prostate: Update #8 - 4/20/06

    The word is officially in! There is no sign whatsoever of prostate cancer in my body. It seems almost certain that no nasty little cells had escaped from my prostate to do their dirty work in other areas of my body. Chances of it reappearing are close to zero. That is the good side.

    On the bad side, I am still not completely in charge of my bladder. However, I have mostly "light" days, when a undies pad is not really necessary, but there are still those days, once in a blue moon, when it just keeps dribbling away. Unfortunately, yesterday, when I had to drive and ferry the 5 hour trip to Vancouver, was one of the "heavy" days. I ended up using 3 pads, far more than I have for months.

    The young associate to my oncologist/urologist, the hottie with the glorious name of Rod Stud, assures me that in another six months I should have complete control.

    We discussed my erection problems. I told him I would like to try the injection route, because viagra and cialis don't really work worth a shit for me, and the penis pump is such a mechanical nuisance (even if it does feel pretty good!), and that I worry about the effect of leaving the "super cock rings" on for any length of time. He agreed that that can cause permanent damage. He has referred me to VHG's sex therapy clinic, where they will provide me with the paraphernalia, counsel me on how to stick a needle in my dick, and problems to watch for, such and sticking too strong a dose in and having a woody for more than and hour or so. Should be fun!

    This will probably be one of the last updates and last installments of this series of letters, except for the sex therapy clinic, whenever that happens. I hope they given you some insight into problems many of you will undoubtedly face yourself. Which is why I have put the complete series of letters as one file here in our "Health" section of CanadianGay.

    As a final thought, I saw a cool poster in the waiting room:


    Me WITHOUT My Prostate: The Needle : Update #9 - 5/26/06

    Last Friday was an interesting day. I took an unbearably long trip to Vancouver on a broken-down BC ferry on Thursday to attend Vancouver General's Prostate Center sex therapy clinic to learn how to inject my poor little dick to get it to hard!

    The therapist was a woman, and she showed me how to clean off the area on the side of my dick, how to fill the syringe, how to hold my dick, and how to insert the needle,and how to inject the fluid, using a soft latex model. Then she had me do it...with a real needle, but just a saline solution. I don't think they want us sitting around the clinic with a woody for an hour!

    It felt a little weird doing all this with her looking on critically, instructing me how not to squeeze the plunger, and how to keep the slit of my dick upright, but I was not too embarrassed.

    She then gave me a prescription and recommended a compounding pharmacist who would decant the stuff I needed. It was the day before a long weekend, and late in the day, so I opted order the stuff through my local pharmacy and have it shipped up. As it turned out, Shoppers Drug Market tried to sell me a much more expensive brand-name kit instead, so I ended up doing it by telephone with the Vancouver pharmacy Tuesday. The drug and equipment arrived yesterday.

    So last night I tried it out at the lowest dosage. No, it didn't hurt a bit, and yes, it did work. Within 5 minutes I had a pretty decent hard-on, not hard enough to fuck ass with, maybe, but much better than I have had in over 6 months, and it felt soooooooo good!

    The therapist wants me to keep a journal of the results of the drug (prostaglandin E) - dose, result, and how long it lasts. She wants me to rate the hards on a 0 to 10 scale. 0 is "flaccid", 3 is "swollen", 5 is "erect but bendable without pain", 6 is "penetration with assistance" meaning either my partner or me has to guide it in, 7 is "penetration without assistance", and 10 is "very rigid".

    As I said, last night I used the lowest dosage, and the result was a 5, which lasted for about 45 minutes at that level and gradually softened up over the next 30 to 40 minutes. Tomorrow I will try an increased dose, and see where that gets me, but I already know it works far better for me than Viagra or Cialis, and is far cheaper. Even at maximum dosage, and allowing for the extra expenses (needles, alcohol swabs, sharps disposal, shipping by courier, etc) it would be less than the equivalent number of doses of Viagra, but I think that the second lowest dosage will probably do the trick, and that will work out at about $4 a shot, including all costs. Worth every penny for a decent hard again! If only it could get my cum back!

    I have a couple of volunteers lined up if I want to try it out when it gets to a 6. Who knows? maybe I will become a total top!

    (More to cum)

    Me Without My Prostate: Five Years Later: October 25, 2010

    It's just over five years since that grey morning of October 5th, 2010, when my prostate, its cancer, and I parted company. I miss my prostate, and all that went with it, of course, except the cancer. My most recent tests show no signs of a return of that nasty critter anywhere in my body. I will continue to get psa tests every year just to be sure it is not hiding, waiting, somewhere inside me.

    So how am I surviving without my prostate?

    Well, although it's great being cancer free, there were some costs to pay:

    First, as I have told you before, I will never cum again. Although the testicles produce sperm. it is the prostate that produces the seminal fluid which they swim in – most of the material of cum.

    I still have orgasms, but they are dry orgasms. No, the sperm my nuts produce doesn't come out. The prostate contained a couple of valves which controlled the mixing of the sperm and the seminal liquid and directed the two out of the penis through the urethra. Those valves left with the prostate, so now my semen goes into my bladder. It mixes with my piss and comes out when I pee.

    It makes for milkier, smellier urine. But I can live with that!

    I also have less bladder control, with minor leakage under stress, but half a small, ultra-thin women's pad does the job. I seal the cut edges with paper painter's tape. It works for me!

    Second, because of the size of my enlarged prostate – the size of a mandarin orange as compared to the normal size of a small walnut – my dick is smaller, soft or what passes as hard. This is because some of the shaft of my penis has slipped back into some the space left by the departed prostate gland. It makes my dick about an inch shorter than it was before – and it wasn't very big, even then. Now I am lucky to make 4" when I am VERY horny and all artificial enhancements are working perfectly.

    Third, for the previously mentioned reason, I now have more foreskin overhang than before. The shaft may have retreated, but the skin didn't, so now it hangs over the end of my dick, which it didn't used to do. It makes for drippier peeing!

    Fourth, because of more-than-expected damage to the nerves which control erections, both during the operation, and during an infection of the incision after the operation, I am unable to get a usable erection. I already had a weak "venus trap," the valve which traps blood in your dick to produce a hard. The operation further weakened it. When I get VERY horny I can achieve something like a fatty (as opposed to a woody), and also produce something similar to pre-cum, but I would never be able to fuck with it.

    So how do I live with these drawbacks?

    Right from the start, my urologist/oncologist told me "Use it or lose it!" and recommended regular masturbation and judicious use of a penis pump. I have two pumps that I use fairly regularly. The first is what is referred to as a "toy" pump by "pumpers" – guys who get off on pumping their dick huge. It is similar to the one below, and I use it in the shower, with lots of soap. Once my dick is hard I slip a constriction ring off the vacuum tube of the pump and on to my dick to keep it hard for a while.

    Simple Penis Pump

    Constriction Ring

    The "handles on the illustrated constriction ring are for taking it off. It can only be left of for 15 to 20 minutes or you can do major damage to your dick, but that is quite long enough for a decent jack-off.

    My other model of penis pump is a little more complicated, with a pressure gauge and an instant release valve. It also is much more efficient with powerful suction.

    Again, I use it in conjunction with the constriction rings to get and maintain what passes for a woody.

    I might point out that neither method makes a woody that is good for fucking with. The shaft above the constriction ring is fairly firm, but below it, the shaft is not engorged, and the constriction ring itself acts like a hinge, allowing the dick to flop around. With very careful manual guiding, you can insert your cock into a butthole, but it tends to come out pretty easily. A fuck, yes, but not a good one.

    My other method of getting and maintaining a passable hard is by injection of meds right into my dick. The meds are a prescription-only concoction known as Trimix or Triple-mix.

    I use regular insulin syringes to inject the chemicals directly into the shaft of my cock. The aim is to inject it into one of the spongy-tissue-filled cavities on either side of the penis. There are also similar, but smaller cavities on the underside of the penis and in the knob. The medications cause the tissue material to swell, giving a pseudo woody. It only has to be injected into one cavity, as the effect spreads to all of them in a few minutes. The achieved woody is at its best after about 15 minutes, and remains at that peak for about 30 minutes. It takes a couple of hours to die off completely.

    This method feels good and looks good, but is again not great for fucking. As I have said earlier, it is more of a "fatty" than a "woody" – a swollen dick as opposed to a hard one. I have only managed to enter a guy with this method once, and that was after much fingering and loosening of his tight hole.

    So how do I satisfy "versatile" guys who liked to be fucked as well as fuck? I purchased a hollow-dildo strap-on!

    Theoretically, my dick slips inside the hollow dildo and I fuck him with that. Unfortunately, my dick is not long enough to fill the hollow shaft, so it bends easily. I have had to stuff it with cloth to make it firm. It is also too thick for most guys, so I have to really loosen them up before trying to fuck them with it.

    Luckily, most of the guys I hook up with are happy enough just to fuck my ass, and suck or play with my soft cock. If I have managed to get a decent hard with the meds (which don't always work properly, by the way), that is a big plus for them.

    Anyway, that's where it is after 5 years without my prostate. I have become a total bottom, and have a very active sex life. What's more, I do not have cancer!


    Me Without My Prostate: Eleven Years Later: 22 December 2016

    As I update the whole CanadianGay site to, I thought it might be time to update this blog, too.

    First, I have no indications of any return of the cancer. I have had a PSA level of virtually zero ever since the operation, which means there is no prostate cancer activity anywhere in my body.

    Second, I have continued to enjoy anal sex on the receiving end over the intervening years. My sex life in that regard has been very active. My local married fuck buddy has shown up at least once a month for all those years, and more and more frequently in the more recent years, averaging about 30 times a year. I have also had a number of other repeat contacts, and with the man I thought was my true love for a while, but now he and I are just occasional fuck-buddies.

    Third, and most important, I had given up hope of ever fucking another guy again. Even with the tri-mix meds and cock rings my cock just wasn't hard enough for penetration. Then one day about a year ago, when I had shot up my cock with tri-mix, but been fucking my local married guy with a strap-on, and was finger-fucking him afterwards, I mentioned that his hole was now very loose. He suggested I try fucking him with my dick instead of plastic. I slipped on the cock ring, lubed up my dick — and slipped right into him!

    That was the first time I had fucked a guy in over ten years. I was in heaven. In the weeks and months that followed, I found that if I opened him up with a tapered butt plug first, I got fuck him without the cock ring – which was an added bonus ffor me, because the combination of tri-mix and the cock ring, made my dick very sore, and sometimes very bruised.

    These days I get to fuck him every time he comes to visit – and he loves me fucking him so much he comes to visit usually twice a week. It's a reall good arrangement. He arrives, we get naked, do some heavy necking and groping, he sucks my already-hard tri-mix woody, then I fuck him. He likes to suck my dick again when I pull out of him. Then it's my turn to suck him. Once I've got him good and hard, he slips his 6-incher into me and we have more great sex until he cums inside me.

    Some days he doesn't cum. But that can be a bonus for both of us. Once he cums, he's finifhed. But even if I have a dry orgasm, I am still good to fuck him some more. So I fuck him a second time. When I am finished, he is literally dripping my pre-cum from his asshole. I may not cum, but I still produce loads of the pre-cum fluid!

    Life without my prostate is pretty good these days!

    Me WITHOUT My Prostate: A Member's Letter - 4/20/06

    I received the following letter and pics from richlg96, a member. It amused me, and I thought it might amuse you, too!:

    Ted, First - I am enjoying your adventure. If you don't laugh all that is left is to cry. Much better to laugh.

    My 'adventure' isn't as dramatic as yours. I'm dealing with ED due to blood pressure medication. Went from getting off whenever I opened my eyes (bg) to maybe once a week. Adjustment has come slowly. The Doctor gave me samples of Levitra. Seems to work ok, but I don't like to use them just to get off. I like to use them when I'm with a live body. On the bright side, as you mentioned is just stroking. Now I get to stroke for at least an hour before and if I get off. Depends on the stimulation, audio/visual/mental.

    Second - Education is very important. The telling of your tail (tale) given in the lighter vein sends the message to more guys. As all cancer patients and non-cancer patients should know, early detection means a far better chance of recovery.

    Thirdly - Checking your partner for different [signs of cancer] can be very exciting and arousing. While you have your partner's balls in your mouth, use your tongue to check for lumps. While nibbling on his nipples, check for lumps. (Yes, Guys get breast cancer also.) While preparing for anal sex, get to know the size and feel of your partner's prostate. All of these examinations can be done without a big production. He needn't know that is what you are doing. He can just enjoy the process. And then you both can take turns examining each other. Becoming aware of how things feel normally will give you a lot of pleasure and pre knowledge. And if you don't have a partner, the reason they are called self test, is because you can do them on yourself.

    I have attached some self-examination pics with my message. I'll look thru my 'collection' and see if I can find more.

    Notice the one with the guy nibbling a nip while doing a ball massage. Keeps the partner from knowing whether he is cumming or going.

    Again, keep up the tail (tale), Ted,